rechallenged the addiction

‘Why are you being so proactive?’

Nothing to do with my profession or volunteerism, it refers to my latest attempt - an attempt to build a larger network.

Ask anyone who knows me, they be quick to attach passive to my character. I do admit prefer to be the one being approached, who doesn’t. No one knows how long a person has to wait for the night one to come, and even so it might not turn out as the right one. Next thing you know, you have cobweb coming out of your ears. Thus sit and wait does not work well with me, with exception of waiting for buses or trains as their schedules are predictable.

Take friends for example. Most of those on my contact list are passive friends, in which they never make an effort to get in touch (well, I can’t say so for their other friends). Soon it becomes clear that maintaining such friendship can be draining. Persistence builds over time in order to hold on to the existing pool.

However even when we meet, they remain in their passive seat, not speaking much or only reply as briefly as yes or no. As much as I pity myself for going through with these, it becomes like a challenge for me to come up with open-ended questions or fabricate an intriguing conversation to keep the ball rolling. End of the day, they would have believed what a perfect conversationalist they are.

I would be on my feet and ready to commit whenever food or movie is presented. Passivity would be suppressed. Eating has to be the only daily rewarding effort. With the eight-hour working schedule, there are the in-between breaks of breakfast, lunch, and tea (based on a government work environment). A dollar to a dollar worth, food like movie, they compliment a person’s needs end of the day or week.

I can eat my guts out or watch movie with toothpicks under my eyelids, but like any human I do have sexual desire. If you are in a position of abstinence, good for you, I respect that. It is a trivial that I am beginning to comprehend the impressive notion of virginity. Once you lost it, you want something else to fill in the gap; and your action no longer passive.

Forlornly friends do not come close to satisfying the basic needs. Some might find it easy to engage in sexual practises with friends, but I am not cut for that. My passivity has also affected my approach to sx. I need to be both physically and emotionally attracted to a person before getting into bed. If I were to stick to only physical attraction, then very likely i will be with a different guy every night. As a recent acquaintance said, ‘it is not so difficult to look for sex…’ and he ended with, ‘it is only difficult to find a place to have sex’.

1 or/and 0. The nuance of sexual intercourse; some passive players are willing to take on the active role if the blue moon arises, while with the opposite it is quite rare. As there is grey area, there is versatility. But often if such arrangement progresses into a relationship, it can be difficult. It is like demanding a cock to fly.

Being passive can be detrimental at certain point. As it is perceived as weak and submissive, and in some cases it encourages abusive or slavery. with such paradigm, the marginalised community loses their rights, as basic as accessing healthcare services to tying the recognisable knot. It empowers the undistinguished leverage of the majority, as brusque of rich getting richer and vice versa.

Click on the image to enter the lenses of these independent photographers…

Today is the first time I came out of a yoga class feeling worse than before I started. The usual instructor was replaced by someone.

The speed of his commands was unpredictable. At one point I almost choke on my own breathing. More so he wasn’t organizing the posturea in a systematic order. It was like one minute you are standing and the next you have to be lying flat on your back.

(courtesy of Vince)

Even the best critic has to be polite and reasonable. Overall, he wasn’t all that bad. He was giving some really useful pointers to how not to injure yourself and what is the benefit of doing certain ridiculous pose. Something for insomnia is good!

He might need to be more confident and take a step at a time, and definately do more breathing exercise himself to calm down his nerves. Or maybe he wasn’t comfortable instructing in English or with attendees who don’t stretch and flex as much as he expected.

But I am still looking forward to next week lesson with my usual instructor…

Insensitive people with immature saying stamped on our pride

How long more do we have to wait for a society that puts sexuality on the side

And cherish each individual as who they are, inner character that no longer need to hide

When will we be accepted, when will our love be documented

We love each other no more difference than any straight couple

What they have in them, the affection, the connection, you know that’s possible

Why can’t we have the same marriage rights, tough luck on the double

Why is our love being condemned, why is our love being undocumented

Understated, it can never be. It tags onto some (appeal, machine, change) and becomes inseparable with others (-uality, -ualism, -pert). On the board was written six but the teacher constantly speaks of it. It even becomes one of the reasons why it appears in the heading; sex simply attracts and sells!

Sex has taken its influence daily. People do it at night before sleep, yet a few claim it is the best between two to four in the morning (who needs sleep anyway). People do it once puberty hits, while some (with a little help) still going at it after menstruation. People do it for love and/or reproduction, yet most ride for the sheer pleasure of it. However much we enjoy it, people would remain boy, furious, awkward and censure towards it. Hence by marking the visibility of its context, we have to acknowledge the presence of polygamy, minor, lesbian and gay, incest, rape, bestiality, prostitute, and married man having sex with man or politically correct bisexual closeted case that is.

The term bisexual was first introduced in the 19th century referring to hermaphrodites, and by 1914 it has begun to incorporate into the context of sexual orientation. Bisexuality encompasses the two extremes of homosexuality and heterosexuality, often not necessary attracted equally to both genders, and tends to prefer one or the other. In view, bisexual men can be seen hiding behind picketed fence with Stepford wife, Brady’s bunch and pet Pluto. It is only explicable to take cover, since sodomy is considered a criminal offence under Malaysian’s Act 377, punishable with a jail term up to 20 years and possible beating (or it could well be another s&m exposure, depending on your fetish!).

On the surface of societal tolerance, men would identify themselves as heterosexual regardless of their sexual involvement with other men, merely because they are insertive partners or they only engage in oral sex, or simply because only vaginal intercouse is viewed as sex. On certain occasion it is seen as internalized homophobia within the MSM (Men who have sex with men) community. Contrary others would argue that the activities are purely bi-curious - a phase of heterosexual interested in homosexual experimentation; or a phase of denail of their sexual preference. Who is servicing these non-gay identified men? Money boys, other gay and bisexual men, other non-gay identified men, and even non-agenda gay youth.

Homophobia and heterosexism have historically contributed to the development of breathing spaces for and by gay men and MSM, including public locality that afford relative anonymity and privacy in sexual relations. Gay youth in particularly do not have access to privacy or the affirmation within their family’s home to express their sexual experimentations. Where as most would not think twice about giving blowjob to anyone who wants it due to the myth of oral sex is harmless, some wouldn’t mind anal sex, and even to the extend of raw excitement of barebacking. What do their parents do while they are doing the deed? Mom is getting her hair perm and Dad is playing his 18 holes.

Notably in Alfred Kinsey’s manuscripts have indicated that the majority of people appear to be at least somewhat bisexual, referring that most people have some attraction to either sex, although usually one sex is preferred. However much we like to accuse sexual orientation, whether it be science, genetic, environment, psychological, inevitably it boils down to acceptance of self and of societal.

Islamic countires developed a culture in which love (ishq) was held to be an absolute good, regardless of the gender of the object of affection, though irreligious behavior was condemned. Men’s attraction to beautiful youths (including male) was widely understood to be normal and universal. “He who claims that he experiences no desire when looking at beautiful boys or youths is a liar…” said the Hanbalite jurist Ibn al-Jawzi. Among the Pakistani and Bangladeshi, men holding hands or being intimately expressive is fairly common and acceptable. Thus arguably of such affection isn’t a kick in the teeth for their societies, is it?

End note: The connotation of lesbian and gay with crime and idiosyncrasy is sorely subjective.