rechallenged the addiction

I’m out of the exam hall an hour early. Is that a bad sign? Really need that chocolate fudge now!

the label i wear

has no meaning what-so-ever

yes… day in day out

i scratch my head over what to put on

does it make me look skinny

or expose my bulging belly

yes… vain to no end

even the mirror is tired of looking at me

flaunting and turning

get over it already, man

you’ve got long way to go

to look like that guy you fancy so much in the mags

ay’ caramba! should i head back to the gym

blame it on the genes

that put no ass in the jeans

Disclaimer: OK. That is so not me. Though it is disturbing to see myself in that shoes, so lacking of confidence. However I’d wish I can fit better in the cloths I wear.

Stumbled upon Andrew’s flickr… impressive night shot + self-portrait!

To the left, to the left… move your arse to the right already!

Recently I subjected myself to a new trick - Salsa. Every year I seem to sign up for something new yet never stick it any of them for the year after. The typical of jack of all trade!

Dancing ain’t that new to me. I’ve done so every now and then. It goes way back to my primary-school year where I was forced to participate in this slow-motion Malay dance. Actually my dancing phenomena can be seen even during my kindergarten year. Back then I was an irritating brat who refused to dance on the final minutes and made a huge scene by throwing tantrum. Yea, quite a handful and drama king! Never did I expect to jump into a dance session down the road.. but I am doing it now.

Let’s see what I’d observed…

[1] girls prefer to dance at arm-length, so tense when dancing with another guy

[2] girls dance like a lost chicken when they are doing it alone

[3] girls have this boring facial expression

[4] girls move their hips too much… it is sinfully wrong

[5] girls taking charge instead of letting the guy leads

[6] girls with PMS should not allow to dance… they have that bithcy vibes

[7] girls like to count their steps loudly

[8] girls just downright rigid

Of cos not all of them are like that, there are a few of them quite a good partner… what about guys? Guys have no issue, except I do wish there’s salsa for guys only! That should be interesting.

The evening drifted. Installed within the Gallery are frames after frames. I saw people I know and those I don’t. We are all Sharing Space as what the theme of this contemporary photography exhibition implied. This represents an initiative of Malaysian and Japanese, with reference to celebrating the coming Malaysia ’s 50^th Year of diplomatic relations between the two nations.

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Looking at the frames I can’t help but wonder ‘what made these photograph more exclusive than those two floors underneath the Gallery?’ Here at the top lays the prestige, the soloist, and the aspirator. Featuring eight Malaysians and 11 Japs… some of whom you might have heard or seen from their previous works.

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To start off with the Japs’ collection (as I am quite fond of everything about Japan… the food, the culture, the fashion, the structure, the men, etc): Miyuki Ichikawa (the explicit sensation in which her view is thru either the binocular or the restriction of a fence), Michihiro Shimabuku (his creation is fascinating and fantasy in his travel-o-journal – the seek of deer), Tomoaki Ishihara (an expressionist who vividly captured himself as one of the scenic), and Eikoh Hosoe (who has vast interest in life abstract design as much as in post-tragic documentation).

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Our local fellows are equally as distinctive as their partners: Caecar Chong (the dire-of-all-framing has an inventive content of visualizing great structures thru a simple masking-tape-framing technique), Sharon Lim (urbanization has never look as strikingly interesting as what she depicted), Bernice Chauly (a memorialize piece thru her mother’s eyes and her lens), and Eiffel Chong (if you can see the picture, can you also feel it?.. it lessens the imperishable reality).

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If you haven’t drop by the place, the exhibition is opened for the next two weeks until July 29^th at 11am to 8pm, The Annexe, Central Market.

Not Me: OMG! So shallow.

Me: What?!? I’m only expressing what I like. And Guy#1 is what I like.

Not Me: But what if the guy is Guy#2? Will you be interested?

Me: He has great character, and good friend, but no, he is too short for me?

Not Me: What is wrong with being shorter? LOL… both of you are guys!

Me: Nothing wronglah. Just my taste. I like my partner to be as tall as me if not taller.

Not Me: OK then, what about Guy#3. He is 6 feet.

Me: Yes he is, but… he’s thin. I like someone who is huggable.

Not Me: I swear you are just too shallow… must be the gay syndrome kicking in. Appearance is not everythinglah.

Me: I know. It is human nature to pursue the one nice to look at. It doesn’t mean the less attractive ones have lesser chance. It just they have to work harder, or to be dicovered later when the nicer-to-look-at one turns out to be bogus!

Not Me: Seriously what do you see in Guy#1. He looks so… you know… egoistic… the macho type. One that thinks he is too good for you.

Me: Me either. I think I always fall for guys like that… so full of themselves, to some extend. Maybe I misinterpret that with high self-confidence… or maybe I just like to chase and chase, regardless I get him or not.

Not Me: But you will eventually get hurt. He can never find the energy to love you back.

Me: I know. what to do… if that’s the kind of guy I’m into. Mati-mati lor…

Sometimes we love someone who we knew would never love us back, we still go for it.

Sometimes we overlook the other one because of someone’s physical attractiveness, we would regret but it is often too late.

Sometimes we forgive someone we loved for their misdemeanor inwhich we suffered in silence, we bury overselves deep in ignorance.

I saw Guy#1 while having dinner with Not Me. As a desperate single I’d checked out most guys within my parameter, of which are minimal since I was told to have quite an aquired taste in men, slightly like durian. Guy#1 was sitting at the table beside mine, and kept looking to our (me & Not Me) direction. This is the tough part, especially when I am out with a female friend, and my gaydar is so badly functioning that often than not I really can tell a bend from the straight pole. Is he looking at me or my friend? Should I notice any sign or body language from him? He soon left with his male friend. Boyfriend? But they look more like soccer friends than lovers.

Anyway my attempt of sharing my taste of men led to an argument on how shallow I really am. Me? Shallow? Not Me was suggesting if the candidates are Guy#2 and Guy#3 (both are friends we known), would I still be keen? Perhaps I would… depends.

Here I am checking out a guy who most likely won’t be able to have, on the other hand, shadowing those who I might be able to have. On the record I have little expectation or criteria of the guy I like, on contrary, off the record I whined about things as simple as their height and weight, as if I myself have a perfect body. Shallow, you say?

… is money.

… what we want most but what we use worst.

… as though a rose should shut and be a bud again.

… like the wedding bells, the second is never the same as the first.

… is what prevents everything from happening at once.

… can’t be killed.

… goes! you’re wrong. Time stays, we go.

… is a dressmaker specializing in alterations.

… flies on restless pinions - constant never.

… is the only thief we can’t get justice against.

… the sands that blind your effort.

quotes by various reputable people… and yours truly

The neon lights on

In a place called city

Resting no more

People move

People do things

Ever think of why people do the things they ought not to

It must be fun to break the rule

Even better if to make own rule

Who cares

No one bloody cares in this place called the city

Even the neon won’t work

There are too many shadows

Too much despair

Too few people do the right things

It is more fun to do the other things

Ever wonder how can people do the things they shouldn’t be doing

Is it freedom

There is no freedom for anyone

As of rights is concern

Anyone who cares is those who are not in this place called the city

5th day into the 2nd half of 2007 and then I lost my phone. Actually it was stolen, to be precise. Somehow I have my suspicion of who took it, but nothing I can do to bring it back. Just when I thought I’d have extra money to take a break, this has to happen. There goes my Bali trip!

One month ago… I said “I do”

Today I celebrate a fleeting anniversary

Of being seen with heavy literatures

Of being burden with take-home tasks

And of being paid to study

The emperor treatment is short lived

Of worse is to be treated like children

No bargain

No stipulation

Plenty of inconvenience and misinterpretation

I’d like to believe

It will soon be better

More organized

Yet skepticism

Thus criticism

Beyonce sang it

The course mate said it

My subconscious mind decipher it

Deja vu

Does it speak louder than the surface?

Will I prevail?

Will I succumb?

The answer is parallel to the race

Of duress

Of chaos

Yo! Educate us, not sedate

Variance topics, not repitition

Unquestionably the most catastrophic syllables

Forum positivism

It ought to develop our venture and opinion

Walk the talk

Function what is expected

As we too have counter expectation

Then we shall be inquisitive

We shall be constructive

And all is well

All is respected

Ecological saving you say

Yet I don’t see you go hug trees

One side you preached paperless online submission

Another side you enforced printed documents

For Allah’ sake! It is just disposable/biodegradable cup

The Pentagon security system is embarrassingly less sounded than what you installed

However notwithstanding that nothing is properly put

Though I barked

I whined

No doubt there is something in return

Countable and uncountable gains

The theory

Then the application

With maturity

I do anticipate

The demand-supply curve of the IF

To be ever promising

Here… dots my breath…