rechallenged the addiction

I was developing a major crush on him, not because of his appearance, but his extrovert personality — his approach on me. He can have his way, anytime, anywhere.

On my back I rolled to face him, my hand cupping his chin, touching his rugged shadow. He inched up closer, and put his arms around me.

Are you attched?

I’d hope that you never ask.

But I did. So…

Yes I am.

That was weeks back. I hate it when I am not getting any. I detest it more if I am the third body.

Scissoring my hair real short is my yearly trademark. I like the clean-cut and breezy look. But doing it days before Chinese New Year is so wrong. Feng Shui master would shout out loud that it’s the worst thing a person could have done to himself, or his luck for the year. On top of that to get a handful of remark from house-visiting on the first day — “Just got back from NS?” — I am sweet 16 again!

So all I need now is to get a good tan and I’m all set to join the bunk-mates… Isn’t uniform one of the kinkiest costume ever? And think of all the sweat and the open shower! 

One thing you learn from national service — survival skill — cigarettes are brought into the camp undetectable and are sold at the price of RM3 a piece and RM50 per pack of 20’s. We are shaping the Trump of Malaysia.

Not every story has a happy ending. Same goes to mister humpty dumpty.

I learnt this morning denial won’t solve anything. It buries deeper. If I could have one wish to make a difference, I’d wish everyone else has one wish. But that is if. Thus I don’t blame anyone. Life has already gotten the if treatment. And with the f letter in it — it is a fucking lie!

I can’t help it, reading a quarter of a half — a story that has missing characters and scenes — and non-influential or meaningful consequences.

Fear does not work anymore. In fact it never did. Just look at the million-ringgit Tak Nak campaign. If you think 3 death a day would scare the shit out of people to start practising the ABC, chicken wouldn’t be caught death crossing the road.

And what has numbers got to do with anything. 300,000 in 2015 — but if you are not that 300,000 you are safe. The answer is that simple. Instead of showing the startling digits of infection/death, you look at what puts one at risk, and how that risk can be prevented.

I seriously can’t help it but to think that if 75% of all HIV infections are resulted from injecting drug use, it is none of my fucking business.

The counted strokes of brush on the teeth. The exact steps of walk to the bus stand. The files of tax return to be audited. This is Harold Crick (Will Ferrell). He suffers daily living syndrome — the unconsciously routine practice. He has a job, a house, and a life. Sort of. Until the author (Emma Thompson) or narrator of Stranger Than Fiction steps in. The story is just about right on the spot of bringing a new dimension into a lifeless one albeit with a tragedy comedic ending.

It got me thinking of my life. I wake up to my rusty alarm. I shower and dress. I reach the bus stand minutes before the bus arrives. I breakfast. I check email. I do paperwork. I lunch. I blog. I work again in mad dog. I dinner. I am home. I shower. I read. I sleep. That is only a rough breakdown of my weekday. That has not includes the microscopic simplest routine of cleansing my face!

You see, we put so much emphasis on making certain order is there, steps are being followed, therefore no hiccup can happen. In spite of this we fail to make a difference of a Monday and a Tuesday. We live Tuesday like how we’ve lived Monday. And worse still we relive the Monday-Tuesday on the next Monday!

If one thing I’ve learnt from this film is not to wait until the day we know we are about to perish from this earth to make a difference. It may be within outselves or out of our boundaries. Time does not stop when the clock stops. Time does not sleep when we dose off. Time does not even stop when you jump off a building. It ticks and ticks. And ticks. We allow time to pass us unknowingly… but more so knowingly.

Quit and change job. Learn to salsa. Pick up the dumb-bell. Indulge in Ben & Jerry’s. Start dating. Spend time with family. Hangout with friends. Love someone… Let someone loves you back.

Like what the author said, “If a man knows when and how he is going to die, and still die because that is how his life should cease, he is worth keeping around”. Hence if a movie that tells fiction stranger than any fictions you’ve ever known, and still attempt to tell because that is how a story should be explained, it is worth sitting still for the next two hours.

The unexpected expressiveness to the ears of superficial intelligence, deem as malicious and un-Asian-ized. Great tolerance for such abrupt manner would only derive from any pleasing remark. Honesty is what praised the bluntness of a person. As of something that has negative impact it somehow does not articulate a pure sincerity as it once used to represent. Outrageously boorish and insensitive is what overturned the table, what cracked the mirror, and what criticized the paragon. And what human is afraid to be characterized with. An obsession of alphabets, yearning for personification of optimism, provokes the mind to think and the fingers to type would be the starting of an unorthodox.

Adam called this morning. He was sweet as usual. I was cranky as hmm… only when I don’t get enough sleep. If a guy calls daily and showers you with affectionate words, is it a sign?

One is in love with a man for 3 years only to find out she is not going to wear that wedding dress.

Another one is insecure of the man she loves — of the fact that no matter what, he can never be faithful to her.

The two bachelorettes meet online at a home exchange website and impulsively switch homes for the holiday.

Driving on the right side on the left side of the road can be as challenging as how one has to deal with love and relationship. Written, directed and produced by Nancy Meyers, who also did Something’s Gotta Give, What Women Want (not the crappy Malaysian TV series), and The Parent Trap.

Unlike the frequently seen romantic comedy, The Holiday has something to anticipate over. As much as we like the idea of hot chick getting the hot jock, or the perfect guy marrying the perfect girl, we at times like to exprience the truth of loving or falling in love — the fact that it is not as smooth-sailing as it seems.

I couldn’t agree more with Nicole Feenstra that “The Holiday is the best and freshest romantic comedy I’ve seen since Love Actually”.

I didn’t expect I love you — one of the best line ever said in the movie by Diaz. Honestly speaking we seldom prepare ourselves for the other half to love us back. We learn to give. We matured to love. But we never know how to react to unexpected love in return. And more than often we miss that chance to jump onto the wagon.

I had that chance 4 years ago, but I didn’t see it. Or perhaps I was questioning the basis of love. I was reciprocating.

Winslet mentioned that time is wasted when love is broken, but the next love would blur the wasted time. And again and again until love has finally stopped the time for that is when time to love is not enough.

3 weeks of 3 months are all I have with Adam so far. It is not that we don’t want to see each other, it is the constant lengthy travelling that he does. And he’s not even a pilot! Technically we are seeing each other yet not much of substance is built between us. The only thing I know about him is that he’s an engineer, health-freak, in his 40’s but looks 30’s, smart. funny, generous, smell nice, and always wakes up looking as good as before he sleeps.

What I don’t know is whether he wants something with me. Like and love is often used interchangeably, hence making the matter worse. Or perhaps I am making too much out of every guy I meet. I have this tendency of saying the wrong thing, like discussing about monogamy relationship on the second date, or about moving in together. Things like that freaks people out. I ought to keep to the standard dating rules of only talk about the weather unless you’d have something good to talk about.

Boy! Do I need a holiday myself… Off in 5 days! Not sure I’ll be able to pull that Diaz’s kiss-trick. Hot!